THE ODDS
By Isaac Atayero
"Maybe this time Shea will be lucky?"
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"All the odds are in my favor"
- Liza Minnelli
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One
I cried myself to sleep, cried myself through the day and then cry a little more and then move on or try to move on.That day i had a choice.And even though then and there it didn't seem like i did but i did. A choice to do, to act, to move,to do something . Of course you have another choice, to keep on keeping on with the rest of your life as you have been. To stay the same and not be the change, to keep your life the way you've kept it so far. Not only to live in regret ,to be regret.
My choice that day defined me. It names and puts a label on me permanently and no other decision in my life that i will ever make will be powerful enough to erase this definition of me. None.Not even a relapse or a new decision the next day.
Epic, right?
That single moment when you decide to do or not to do, you have become something else for yourself and the impressionable world that you affect and surrounds you. "
My father used to scare my brothers and i by telling about this day. I was a only nine years old but i was a smart nine year old. I was smarter as a nine year old than i would ever be as a nineteen year old.My father was 35 years old with one too many regret.He was a janitor at a Catholic Elementary school. He had fourteen kids and five different baby mamas.Till today it baffles me how he managed to get himself that much trouble and even more puzzling are the baby mama. I had one question for all of them..."why?"
Of course i was too scared to ask all of them to ask but i thought about it though.My mom was the last baby mama and she also had the least children.She had only two but the first baby mama, Ma Cas, (I have no idea why we called her that) always told mom half jokingly, half seriously that she would soon catch up to everyone else.I believed her. But she was wrong and i was wrong because my mom was different.
All of the previous baby mamas had three children , which seemed to be when they either realized the marriage wasn't working or decided that you shouldn't be making babies with someone you divorced after you divorced them.
"One day you'll wake you'll realize your whole life has passed you by.The hours and seconds you've wasted doing absolutely nothing will come in shadows of a troubled future and haunt you. Well you might not but i sure did. That day i went around moping like someone i knew and loved just died. Its not the regret that hurts but the sudden and random realization. Its knowing that you could be somewhere else, your life could be something else and you...you could be a completely different person.I cried.
I cried myself to sleep, cried myself through the day and then cry a little more and then move on or try to move on.That day i had a choice.And even though then and there it didn't seem like i did but i did. A choice to do, to act, to move,to do something . Of course you have another choice, to keep on keeping on with the rest of your life as you have been. To stay the same and not be the change, to keep your life the way you've kept it so far. Not only to live in regret ,to be regret.
My choice that day defined me. It names and puts a label on me permanently and no other decision in my life that i will ever make will be powerful enough to erase this definition of me. None.Not even a relapse or a new decision the next day.
Epic, right?
That single moment when you decide to do or not to do, you have become something else for yourself and the impressionable world that you affect and surrounds you. "
My father used to scare my brothers and i by telling about this day. I was a only nine years old but i was a smart nine year old. I was smarter as a nine year old than i would ever be as a nineteen year old.My father was 35 years old with one too many regret.He was a janitor at a Catholic Elementary school. He had fourteen kids and five different baby mamas.Till today it baffles me how he managed to get himself that much trouble and even more puzzling are the baby mama. I had one question for all of them..."why?"
Of course i was too scared to ask all of them to ask but i thought about it though.My mom was the last baby mama and she also had the least children.She had only two but the first baby mama, Ma Cas, (I have no idea why we called her that) always told mom half jokingly, half seriously that she would soon catch up to everyone else.I believed her. But she was wrong and i was wrong because my mom was different.
All of the previous baby mamas had three children , which seemed to be when they either realized the marriage wasn't working or decided that you shouldn't be making babies with someone you divorced after you divorced them.
